Memories Best Left Alone
by Indecisive Invalid
Summary: The Monster speaks to Kano, deep in the recesses of his mind. It brings up memories best left forgotten. Rated for severe angst, and mentions of child abuse/trauma.


He watched his reflection in the mirror; bare-chested, jagged scars, more old than not, crisscrossed his chest and arms. Scattered were small half-moon burns, mostly on the undersides of his arms, where the baby skin lay. Where a burn would hurt a small child the most.

It reminded him of distant memories; from a time before Kido, Seto, and his Big Sister Ayano. Back before the crimson-eyed demon took ahold of his heart and bestowed him with a power he never wished he had.

Of a time when he had parents.

Suddenly a loud, booming voice echoed inside of his mind; he inwardly cringed. He recognised it all too well. It had consoled him during those long, sleepless nights. It wrapped him up when he was lost and alone, surrounding him in a black veil of lies and deceit. It pushed him towards others when he wanted to do nothing but curl up and cry.

It made him, shaped him to its own interests; moulded his desires into its own.

"**Why do you even bother?**" The monster boomed inside of his mind, "**What do you have to live for? You're a terrible friend. You lie to everyone.**" Kano grimaced quietly. He'd spent his life fighting the monster; at least somewhat. He was not going to fall for its tricks anytime soon.

"I know I'm a liar," He murmured, voice soft; sounding fake even to himself. He focused on the mirror once more, his eyes losing their crimson hue as he tried to smile. Naturally.

The final product was a congested mess of awkwardly-placed muscles. It was not much of a smile. Or, rather; not much of an _honest_ one. He could smile just fine with a bit of assistance. Most of them believed that it was genuine; those that didn't simply accepted it and left it at that. They didn't question.

He wasn't sure if he was irked by that.

"**Look at you, can't even smile without my power. You can't function without me.**" Kano glanced away from the mirror quietly, ashamed. It wasn't entirely true. He was still _Kano_. He was still the little _Shuuya_ deep inside, right at his core. At the centre that he refused to give up to the beast. It was his memories that kept him from giving up right then and there.

"… That's not true," He murmured after a moment's hesitation. He could continue on without his power if he had to. There would be some major personality changes, and he may have to go into hiding or something to sort himself out. But he'd turn out okay. He'd _have_ to if he wanted to stay Kano. The monster inside of him loudly snorted in derision, its crimson eyes reflecting in his own for a fraction of a second as it placed a smile on Kano's face for him, exerting its power over him at the same time.

"**It's your fault, you know. Your fault that I'm here.**" Kano glanced away mutely in understanding. He knew he was at fault; that he was to blame. He'd known that for a long time now, so why was he being told again? He closed his eyes as a familiar scene replayed in his mind.

_A rough, calloused hand gripped the child's tightly, dragging him towards a rather noisy room. He was pushed towards a thin, roughed up old mattress with little more than a thin, muddy blanket. It was not a very welcoming sight for a quaking almost six year-old, who was placed on it with a less than gentle hand. He hugged his stuffed rabbit, 'Mr. Floppy Ears', to his chest and watched as the adults left the room, caring about him no more than when they picked him up from that god-awful home._

_ Immediately a series of eyes turned towards him. Some were filled with pity, many filled with curiosity, and several others filled with a childish sort of aggression. They were mad – they all were – and they wished to pick on the small child who was forced into a room. The children here were easily twice his age or so; the ages varied from ten to thirteen. But it was a large jump for a young boy who was almost six._

_ The unfortunate child, who had come in with nothing but scruffy old clothes (if they could be called that; they were more like a servant's loins) and a dirty old rabbit was about to lose his only reliable companion._

_ The rabbit was wrenched away from him within moments; the children turned Mr. Floppy Ears this way and that, mocking an inspection. Then came a phrase that Kano would learn to despise._

_ "__**Destroy it.**__" The little boy screamed, beg, wailed for them to stop. They were hurting him! He could only imagine his friend's pain as he was ripped from limb to limb. Cotton stuffing went flying out, peppering the ground with small, white puffballs which quickly soaked up some of the dirt that covered the ground. Paws were tossed, with cruel glee, out the window. First his left, then his right. Then one ear, that was already half on, half off. It quickly followed the arms. _

_ The legs went, until all that was left was the body, the head, and a single ear, flopped over to the side as though it had surrendered itself to its fate. One kid stuck his finger into the empty socket, pulling out more stuffing._

_ Kano begged for them to stop. But he could do nothing to save his friend; the bullies would not relent._

_ All he was given back was a faceless creature that no longer resembled his best friend who would comfort him when his mother and father would not._

_ It would be the first of a series of losses._

_ The kids stood over him, taunting the boy, barely out of the toddler stage, berating him for being a baby. For being so weak, for being unable to protect himself from the older kids. Eventually, the verbal assault was over and Kano curled into himself, sniffing and hiding his face in the too-thin pillow._

_ He ended up missing dinner; no one cared. Kano was alone._

_ There was no one there to kiss a scraped knee better anymore._

**"Look at how you were treated!"** The monster roared, its crimson gaze watching Kano's reflection in the mirror; through his own eyes. The blonde scowled and raised his fist. He was tired of those eyes; they haunted him in his nightmares, lurked at the dark corners of his dreams. It was everywhere. Yet it was all in his head.

A hand, clenched tightly, punched the mirror with enough force to splinter the glass, causing it to quickly fragment and shatter, pieces scattering in a small pool on the floor and Kano found himself taking a step back to avoid cutting his own feet.

A sharp sting made him peer at his hand stoically, another memory flashing through his mind.

_The child was now in a decrepit bathroom, trying desperately to wash off some of the blood and grime on his hands from getting cut with a rock earlier on. A quick glance at the mirror showed him what he had been seeing for a few days now._

_ Eyes, such a deep crimson that they burned as deeply as any red-hot sun. They almost produced their own light, such an eerie shade that even little Kano, who carried this strange, red devil colour was scared of it himself. He was scared of his own reflection._

_ He panicked. Pressing dirty, bloodied palms to his hands he scrubbed. He scrubbed them in a vain attempt to get rid of that horrible colour staining his pupils. He didn't want it. He wanted to be normal, be just be a little boy. He didn't want to look like a monster; like some freak who just got out of bed._

_ He pulled away after several moments of scrubbing, peering hopefully into the dirtied mirror, expectant smile quickly dropping. The same blood red jewels stared back at a young face._

_The eyes that haunted his dreams were still there._

_Tears gathered at the corners of the child's eyes, yet he did not will them away. He crawled into a corner of the bathroom, hugged himself tightly, and wept. Wept for himself, the loss of the life of his rabbit, and from the fear that one day the red may do more than change his eye colour._

"**You scared yourself, too. Those were your own eyes you cried over.**" Kano frowned quietly. He'd forgotten that he had cried there. He'd been at the orphanage for about a week before he'd had the red eyes. He hadn't looked at any of the other children very often from then on, or he would try to hide his face. He hadn't wanted anyone else to tease him.

"I just didn't understand back then," He murmured, more to himself than to the monster living inside of him, "I didn't know what those eyes meant." And he didn't; the monster hadn't spoken to him yet. He was still alone. He hadn't even met Seto or Kido; that wasn't until later.

Ignoring the monster's angry screeches, he bent down to pick up the shards on the ground to throw them out. He spotted his reflection in one of them; distorted, with bags under his eyes. He seemed exhausted and overworked.

Yet those eyes, blood red as ever, stared back without any hint of fatigue.

_Those hands were grabbing at him again. Telling him to get up, to grab his blanket and pillow; it was rather early in the morning. The other children around him were still mostly asleep. Some groaned in annoyance, making vague gestures of annoyance towards the adults who'd dare interrupt them._

_Kano groaned, lids heavy with sleep, yet he stood up, clutching his two current possessions like a lifeline before toddling out after the demanding adults. He followed out after them, bare feet carefully stepping over sharp objects and other items destined to try to trip him as he desperately tried to keep up with the taller strides of the others._

_The room he was lead into was just as crowded as the other; possibly even more so. Though, now, they were bunk beds. Again, he was pushed back into a corner of the room; this time left to his own devices to get himself settled in._

_Kano climbed the bunk as quietly as he could, the old ladder creaking under his weight as he settled down uncomfortably on the mattress on top. He didn't know who slept below him; it was too dark to tell. He couldn't see anyone._

_He chose to forget it and curled up on his new bed, shivering slightly. He already didn't like it._

_When he woke up the next morning, it was to a body pressed against him; warm arms wrapped around him loosely, heated him up. He'd jumped and screeched in surprise, very nearly falling off of the top bunk while the other was startled awake with a soft squawk himself, two sets of ruby eyes peering at each other helplessly. Kano held a hand to his chest in an effort to calm his heartbeat; the other seemed somewhat apologetic. After a moment of staring, the brown-haired child who'd snuggled up with Kano sometime during the night started stammering._

"_S-S-S-" Kano knew what he was trying to say; and the stammering was kind of annoying. Didn't this little kid spend time with the older ones too, to get toughened up?_

"_Kano." The brunette paused, expression morphing into one of confusion. He shut his mouth and peered at Kano curiously; what was he trying to say?_

"_It's my name, dummy. Call me Kano, okay?" He flashed him a smile, one that he had started practicing; it seemed confident and happy, though the other didn't seem particularly convinced. He was watching Kano with an odd look on his face, as though he'd heard something strange. Finally, the stranger-boy spoke up._

"_I'm Seto." It was said with such a dazzling smile that Kano was almost taken aback. The two of them reached out and shook their hands. They scrambled off of the top bunk, and rifled through the room's shared clothes for something relatively clean before they headed towards breakfast._

_Several nights in a row Kano found himself accompanied by Seto. He didn't particularly mind, as he soon learned that the other occupants of his new room (who were all about that same age as he was) that this was something that Seto always did. He couldn't sleep alone or he'd start crying, or screaming, or he'd have a nightmare. He needed to hold someone (or be held, as Kano would later learn)._

_Kano wouldn't stand the thought of someone being as alone as he was; as such, he allowed the other to sleep with him. As they got into the routine, the positions switched so that Kano was curled protectively around Seto, the elder child curling in against Kano's chest. _

_They had found a sort of comfortable equilibrium; Kano was warm at night and, in exchange, he chased away the nightmares that Seto could not._

The monster laughed ruefully. It scorned Kano over these memories; the 'good' ones, so to speak, that stood out. The ones that showed Kano in his true colours, where he did not lie, where he did not fake a smile. Memories like that made him strong.

"**You are not as strong as you think you are.**" It murmured, voice a deep tenor as usual.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Kano scowled. He didn't want to be tortured by this creature. Not with the current memory series.

It was not long after he met Seto that Kano had met Kido.

_She sat next to him in silence, eating. The girl, Kano could already tell, was an introvert. She curled in on herself slightly, eating her watery porridge with little enthusiasm. Everything seemed to be a mechanism with her; she ignored Kano completely as she ate, not even sparing a glance in his direction. Was she new? She certainly wasn't someone from his room; though there were no girls in his room, either. She seemed around his age; so she was probably in the less-populated room with girls in it. The girls always seemed to get adopted out much faster than the boys did._

_After a few more moments of watching her, Kano found his patience wearing thin and he poked her in the side, causing her to visibly jump. The helpless face that peered up at him was not a face he was expecting. Maybe angry, or irritated to have her peaceful meal interrupted, but all consideration for that flew out the window when a pair of eyes, similar to his and Seto's, turned to face him. Just how many of them had these kinds of eyes? He greeted her pleasantly either way, silently trying to will that look on her face away._

"_Hi, my name's Kano! I don't think I've seen you around here before. You new here?" She frowned faintly and glanced away, hands balling up on her lap, offering no response for several moments until she finally spoke, voice barely hitting a whisper._

"…"

"_Pardon?" Kano couldn't hear her well at all, though he didn't let this affect him. He nudged her gently in an effort to get her to speak up. She visibly flinched._

"_N-No one can see me. I've been here for two weeks, and just now, you…" He blinked in surprise, frowning faintly. He'd sat in the same seat for at least a month, right after he'd gotten here. And if she was here for two weeks… why hadn't he noticed her before? In retrospect, she seemed rather small. He smiled and reached out, taking her hand._

"_I can see you." He murmured, with a smile on his face. The girl glanced up to peer at him again; searching for lies or deceit, but she found none. She believed him; at least for now. Her hand gripped his back, though somewhat more weakly._

_She was bone-thin, he noted. Thinner than most of the children here. Was she not getting her rations?_

"_Hey, you're really small. Do you not eat?" The girl shook her head quietly, hand gripping his while she used the other to hold the spoon. She said nothing, and neither did he; for several mouthfuls. When she was almost done, he nudged her to catch her attention, distracting her by pointing at the other room; forcing her to turn around. He quickly poured half of his bowl into hers before she turned back. She was none the wiser, as she ate._

_She finished it all, unsurprisingly. Kano smiled and finished his own food as well; leaning back slightly and he pat his stomach slightly in contentment. He hadn't eaten quite as much as normal, but the other girl seemed somewhat pleased with herself. In an effort to try conversation once more, he nudged her again._

"_So why don't you usually eat?" He inquired, smiling at her. She blinked at him in surprise and glanced down._

"… _They can't see me sometimes. So they don't give me food." Kano blinked. Oh. So that was why. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her; if she couldn't be her own beacon, he would be it for her. She flinched, but returned the hug slowly. After a small while, she murmured something quietly. Kano pulled away to hear better._

"_Kido." Kano paused. Was that her name? He smiled at her._

"_It's a really pretty name. It kind of sounds like mine!" She smiled shyly and the two of them stood up to head outside, Kano still keeping ahold of Kido's hand. Other children immediately glanced at them; they recognised Kano easily enough. Kido, however, was a new face to many of them. Even the girls she shared a room with._

_Over the space of a week, Kano had shown up at Kido's door in the morning, already dressed, to take her hand and bring her to breakfast. To make sure she was seen so that she would receive a meal. Eventually, he developed a sort of sixth sense to locate the green-haired girl no matter the location._

_He decided after about a week that he was ready to introduce Seto and Kido; all three of them had red eyes. They had to stick together. It was miserable being alone; that, Kano knew firsthand. He didn't want his new friends being lonely, either._

_The meeting was nothing spectacular. Kano forced the two of them to shake hands, and made Seto promise to keep an eye out for Kido and to make sure she didn't disappear; it was what she was afraid of. Becoming invisible so that no one could see her. The two of them promised they'd always be there to hold her hand._

_All in all, it had gone pretty well._

_They had agreed to remain friends for as long as they could. And no single one of them could be adopted out unless they all were._

The monster seethed. It was angry that he was resisting as much as he did; more than usual, really. Eventually he tended to give up and would let the monster ravage his mind.

"**Don't forget that even back then, you used me.**" Kano huffed.

"But they still accepted me, even if they knew." He wasn't going to give up. He couldn't.

Why was he resisting, again?

_He found his missing friend in the bathroom, crying. It was just after their chores were done; Seto had quickly run off afterwards and it took Kano quite a while to find him. He moved closer to the sobbing boy, sitting down next to him and hugging him tightly. Seto hugged him back with equal strength, sniffing into Kano's shoulder. The blonde peered at him worriedly, murmuring softly,_

"_Did someone bully you, Seto? What happened?" The brunette shook his head meekly, peering up at Kano with a very familiar pair of crimson orbs._

"_They don't like us," He murmured, "They make fun of us in their heads. I can hear it. I don't __**want**__ to hear it anymore! I'm tired of it!" He wailed suddenly, catching Kano by surprise and the blonde hugged him a little tighter by reflex. Seto hid his face and sobbed, clinging to Kano._

"_I don't like the lies! Y-You lie, too!" Kano cringed inwardly. He was well aware that the other two knew that he lied; and he knew that it bothered them. But… he was able to cover up his own problems by lying. It was little more than a defense mechanism. He had to be strong for them._

"_Everything will be okay. I promise." Seto shook his head, still crying. Kano had lied again; Seto had caught it. As per routine. Kano's own eyes watered, but all anyone else could see what a comforting smile on his face as he hugged the other in an effort to console him._

"_See? You're lying again!" Kano remained silent, shuffling along the floor to sit closer to Seto; the other practically in his lap as Kano let the other sob against his shoulder._

"**He didn't go to you, did he? You forced yourself upon him. You're unwanted, Kano. No one has ever wanted you around.**" Kano glanced away, not dignifying the other with a respectable answer.

_Kano watched the new girl playing with Kido and Seto; he himself was half-hiding in a doorway. None of them had noticed them. Was this how Kido felt? He didn't enjoy it. He felt lonely again; wasn't that the reason he had friends? So that the three of them wouldn't feel so isolated anymore?_

_The young girl who was playing with them had parents who were considering adopting both Seto and Kido. Kano was insufferably jealous; no one had approached him with offers. He glanced down at his body; he was scruffy, small. Not very attractive, physically, even as a six year-old. He wasn't really worth picking up. Not like the other two._

_Did he really have any right to keep them from a happy home? He'd been hearing a voice as of late; deep and taunting. It had been invading his thoughts and dreams. Torturing him with feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness. It was condescending in every sense of the word and his mood steadily dropped when it was present, even around Kido and Seto; who he had been spending less time with as of recently._

_He wondered if they had even noticed._

_Suddenly the voice spoke in his mind, uttering one single word._

"_**Unwanted.**__"_

_For as long as Kano could remember, he'd struggled through existing. He could die in the orphanage, and no one would care. He'd had a father who cared little for the boy. Kano was forced to make his own food. All he had been good for with the man was an ashtray and occasionally a punching bag. _

_He'd forced himself upon his friends, and it was showing now. Was he really that valuable a companion?_

_Then there was the current situation._

_He was not being considered for adoption; the other two were. But he would not make a fuss about it. That got you nowhere. He would not hold them to their promise if it would make them happy. He couldn't afford to be selfish. He would not drag them down to his level. Not when they had bright futures._

_Kido was getting noticed more and more often. She didn't have to hold Kano's hand anymore; she made a point of that too, refusing to do so in the presence of the other children. She had grown stronger, flinched less. She didn't need Kano._

_Similarly, Seto stopped spending every single night in bed with him. It had gone down to maybe two or three times a week. Now, it was barely any time at all. Seto slept on his own, without any words of protest._

_He wondered if his friends really wanted him around anymore. It didn't really seem like they did._

… _Why didn't they ask him if he wanted to play, too? He didn't have to be adopted. But he would just… enjoy the company._

_They were in a nice room; brand new toys, clean furniture. Kido and Seto were dressed in very nice clothes that were reserved only for special occasions. Kano felt his eyes water, and a horrible taste (thought) rose in his throat. He felt sick. He felt unwanted. He felt __**unneeded**__. Everything was toppling down around the child; the walls he had so carefully and meticulously constructed around him fell swiftly, with the distancing of his 'friends'._

_The monster had made him doubt._

_He hated the girl that played with them. She made them smile in a way that Kano couldn't. She made them happy._

_She noticed Kido, right on their first meeting. She made Seto smile genuinely, without worry. Kano couldn't do that. Kano was a fake, a liar, unwanted. Kano couldn't help anyone but himself. Kano was selfish, unreliable, unpredictable._

"_**Kano is not a good friend."**__ The monster boomed in his mind; voice mocking, but honest. A liar did not make a good friend. A liar was untrustworthy. A liar was not a stable quality that they searched for in a friend._

_Kano pushed himself away from the doorway, forcing himself to look away. He physically could not bear it anymore; he wanted to run in there and ask why. '__**Why did you abandon me?'**__. But he knew the answer. He wasn't abandoned. There was never a relationship there to abandon._

_Kano was always just… there. They had no obligation to him. You can't abandon someone you have no obligation to._

_The monster in his head laughed at him, taunted him; a high-pitched whine rose from his throat as he ran back to his room, stumbling slightly, vision blurred as he sought escape; running back to his room._

_It was empty at this time of day. Who wanted to stay in a scruffy room that smelt like soiled sheets? It was the only place that Kano could think of hiding in. His legs didn't even have the strength to climb the ladder, they were shaking so bad. Instead, he curled up on Seto's bed (for the first time ever) and he cried harder than he had when he lost Mr. Floppy Ears._

_He wailed loudly and endlessly, uncaring of who found him. He cried out his pain, his frustration, the loneliness that gripped his core._

"**Look at how lonely you became, simply because you lost some friends."** Kano frowned at the memory, closing his eyes as he finished picking up the pieces of glass.

"They heard me crying, though. And came to see me."

_His throat was raw from his tears; but not once did someone come to investigate. The monster inside chortled; the little boy inside wanted to know why no one came. Didn't anyone care? Or was he really, truly alone?_

_He had the blankets wrapped around him tightly, cocooning around his small body and he faintly wondered if Seto would be mad if he found him in his bed. A part of him considered running away for a few moments. Who would really miss the orphan? In fact, he'd be doing them a favour. They'd have space for someone with more worth; he wouldn't waste their food anymore._

_He didn't even notice the bed dip, too wrapped up in his self-destructive thoughts of escape, the laughs of the monster receding into his subconscious. He did notice, however, when a pair of arms, unfamiliar, pulled Kano onto its lap; blankets and all. He was trapped, caught in a state of shock. Eyes wide open, tears stilled yet tracks still cascading._

_Without turning he knew who it was. It was the girl he saw as of late; the one with the brown hair. But why was she here? He hated her. She stole his best friends. Was she going to do away with him? He was suddenly quite afraid, to the point where he shook. He trembled and whimpered, screwing his eyes shut._

_Why wouldn't it stop? Why couldn't he just be alone, like he was meant to be?_

_Gentle fingers carded through his hair and Kano suppressed the urge to cringe. What were they doing? He'd never had that done before, but it felt good. Was it some secret technique used to make him trust the brown haired girl who stole his friends?_

_He remained motionless, staring at the wall in front of him for several moments. Were they alone? Where were Seto and Kido? Did they care?_

_Probably not, his mind reasoned. He was alone in his endeavours, with this terrible girl who ruined everything._

_Eventually, the hand moved to his forehead, the back of it placed upon. It was pulled away a few moments later and Kano's curiosity overwhelmed him. Hesitant, he glanced up and was met with a pair of brown orbs. The other girl gasped softly in surprise._

_Had she not seen his eyes?_

"_You have them too," She murmured, her voice low and curious. She smiled faintly and hugged Kano gently. The child squirmed and writhed; he was uncomfortable and hot. The sheets and shared body warmth were starting to heat him up._

_Why was she so fascinated with his eyes? Why didn't she recoil like the other children?_

_He was so confused. He couldn't comprehend why anyone would willingly talk to him. She seemed distracted for a moment before smiling down at him cheerfully._

"_Your friends were worried about you. They heard you run away." Kano froze, eyes watering once more and he glanced away, squirming slightly to escape the clutches of the blanket he had wrapped himself in tightly, shimmying around yet never leaving the girl's lap._

"_We aren't-"_

"_Yes we are! Don't be stupid!" Seto's grumpy frown was suddenly in front of Kano, cheeks puffed out as he stared at the other accusingly. Kano recoiled into the girl's chest slightly. 'See?' His mind screamed, 'He's mad at you! He doesn't like you!'. He bit his lip and looked away, crimson eyes shining. Seto clambered onto the bed and sat in front of him, gripping his hands tightly, staring intently at the other._

"_Don't think that, okay? I'm not mad and I really really like you! We're still friends! Best friends!" Kano had forgotten that Seto could see through him. Could _read his mind_. He whimpered._

_Had he ever broken down in front of his friends? The answer, of course, was no. It was always no._

_Seto reached forward to give Kano a big hug, nuzzling his cheek with a smile. A second pair of small arms wrapped around him and Kano caught a glimpse of green hair before he was caught in a miniature dogpile between the three of them._

_What surprised him the most was that Kido was crying. Downright __**sobbing**__. Once they detangled their respective limbs from each other she socked him hard in the shoulder, yelling at him through a wave of tears and hiccups._

"_I c-can't believe you! You're such an… idiot! A stupid idiot!" She wrapped herself around him again, shaking and trembling. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her while Seto watched them with a forlorn expression on his face._

_Was he sensing what Kido was thinking?_

_A sudden cough caught his attention and he peered up at the older girl, who was smiling blissfully at them though Kano was still on her lap. He had forgotten that she was even there. Seto suddenly made a soft 'oh' noise upon realising that Kano hadn't properly met her yet._

"_Kano, this is Ayano! She's going to be our big sister soon!" The mood in the room dropped quite quickly. For Kano, at least; the others seemed oblivious until he spoke up dejectedly._

"_For you guys, yeah." Kido huffed and punched him once more._

"_You're being stupid! She's your big sister, too!" Kano shrunk from the other's yelling slightly. He'd never dealt well with shouting. So much of it had resulted in a beating, or pain. He didn't like it._

_Why would Ayano be his big sister, too? He didn't have family. __**You don't deserve it**__, the monster reminded him. He agreed with it. Seto and Kido deserved a sibling before he did. He didn't know how he was supposed to behave around a sister. Was it like being around friends? Did he have to – _

"_You're thinking too much." Kido flicked him on the nose and he blinked, glancing back at her. Then at Seto. Both of them were smiling. Finally, hesitantly, he glanced up at the silent Ayano who was smiling down at him as well._

_She had a very nice smile._

"… _Why didn't you guys let me play with you?" The question was so sudden and blunt it took the other two by surprise. Kido and Seto glanced at each other; the adults had said that they only had two sets of good clothes, and Kano would ruin their chances of adoption. Ayano's parents didn't know that Kano had red eyes, too._

"_The adults are bullies. They wouldn't let us go find you." Seto murmured with a huff, cheeks puffing out as he crossed his arms childishly. Kido smiled slightly, stifling a giggle. Ayano herself laughed slightly, ruffling Kano's hair. The child flinched before glancing up at her curiously. Was that supposed to be a nice gesture?_

_Soon after, the door opened and a voice Kano did not recognise murmured something about it being time to leave, announcing that the adoption papers were filed and it was time to take Kido and Seto home. Kano felt his heart clench; hadn't they just said-?_

_Ayano slid out from under Kano and quickly ran over to her father to speak to him about adopting Kano, too. He had red eyes too! He was special like the other two! Why couldn't he come? The answer given was because of financial troubles. They could barely afford to adopt the other two, but adopting a third was out of the question, red eyes or not. The girl pleaded frantically with her father but the answer was 'no'._

_Their promise was broken._

"**Bam, gone. Just like that.**" Kano cringed. The time between his friends being forced away from him and when he actually got adopted was a blurry mess of dark dreams and no social interaction.

He remembered that he had nightmares, and he lashed out at everything and everyone and he was generally unpleasant. He wasn't even denied meals anymore; he was just thrown into a small room with a bed and his day clothes. He bathed once a week. He was fed sparse meals twice a day.

He was left on his own for the most part. He could go to the bathroom three times a day, that was it. And it was always under supervision.

He was nothing but skin and bones. Fingers, naturally long, no longer had any meat or fat on them. The skin stuck to the bones and what little muscle mass remained. His ribs were clearly visible and his clothes, once a bit small for him, were now baggy and hung off of his hips and form. His nails were sharp from him biting them, and the last time he had a haircut had been at least two months prior to Seto and Kido's departure.

He was miserable and malnourished. It was obvious.

During his time in his confinement, the monster had ravaged his mind in the form of nightmares and self-doubt. Kano flinched whenever someone touched him; kids would toss rotten food through the small window on the door and taunt him. He stopped replying after a week of being alone. But they never stopped teasing him.

He developed a nervous tick that would last until his late tweens. It should have come as no surprise, then, that when Kido and Seto returned to hug their friend that they unwillingly left behind that he didn't recognise them and was terrified, that he'd started to cry. They were clean and nicely dressed. They did not look like Kido and Seto anymore. They were _strangers_.

_There was talking outside of his door. That wasn't normal; he was used to the silence. The monster had quieted so that he could listen. He recognised the orphanage's boss' voice .It was deep, heartless, and downright cruel. He didn't like it. The man's voice scared him. The other one was softer; he recognised it distantly, as though he heard it in passing, but he could not put a face to it. He simply curled up tighter, trying to sleep, keeping to himself._

_He was a good boy. He listened. He ate, went to the bathroom, and slept. He was the __**best**__ little boy in the entire orphanage. He didn't make any noise. He listened to everything they said. He kept their space clean (he was constantly reminded that it was not his and that he deserved nothing). He didn't scream when he had nightmares anymore; all he did was cry and that was in absolute silence now. He'd perfected it. He smiled in their presence, all happiness and cheers. He kept reminding himself that he was a good boy. They'd let him leave someday._

_But at the same time, did he want to leave? Weren't the adults protecting him from the other mean kids? He got special treatment. None of the others got as much attention and love as him. As long as they didn't touch him he would be okay. The monster said not to let anyone touch him._

_Physical contact scared him. He was scarred by it. Any touching returned memories of when he was younger. Touching meant beatings, meant burning; meant scarring. Touching was bad. No contact was good._

_He kept repeating that to himself. It was his personal mantra: his motto._

_The door opening and light streaming in shocked him quite a bit. There was a series of shuffling and a number of feet padded into the room. Kano didn't want to look; but he counted them. There were five, from what he could tell. Three of them were very light and gentle footsteps._

_Suddenly the voice he hated spoke up._

"_Look at us, kid. Stand up." Kano hid his cringe and did as he was bid, staring at the cold ground as he stood, legs wobbling from misuse. He had heeded the second command; but not the first. A hand grabbed his hair and yanked his head up roughly. The child wailed in surprise and stumbled, eyes wide and watering. His ruby hues, which he had not seen in a mirror for a long time, stared at three strangers and someone he faintly recognised._

_Two of them had hoods on. He didn't even bother to stare at them for very long. His eyes skimmed over another young girl, as well; she wasn't wearing a hood but she had a hopeful smile on. She was the one he recognised faintly, but he couldn't remember her name. The last one was an adult; male. He seemed intrigued and knelt in front of Kano, staring at his eyes. Unnerved and more than slightly scared, the child tried to take a step back but was stopped by the owner of the orphanage, who stood behind Kano lest he tried to book it. He glanced between the two adults fearfully, weighing his options. Who was safer?_

_Rooted on the spot, he failed to notice the unfamiliar man approaching until he had picked him up rather easily and, on instinct, Kano flailed and started crying. Almost getting punched in the face, the man quickly set Kano down, allowing the child to scurry back onto his bed, curling up with his knees close to his chest. There was a huff as the cleaner-looking man was pushed to the side and the somewhat-familiar girl clambered onto the bed with him._

"_He's scared, Dad! Hey, it's okay, he's really nice. It's us, Kano. We came back for you." He tried to ignore her. __**She's lying to you**__, the monster screeched. Kano shook his head and shuffled away from the brunette. He didn't care who it was. There were too many people in here now. He felt claustrophobic. _

_The young girl seemed to sense his distress and frowned at her father._

"_Are the papers done, Dad?" There was a pause where the man must have shaken his head, "How about you go take care of that then? I'll cheer him up, okay?" There was a mumble of 'okay' and two pairs of feet shuffled out. Then, all that was left was Kano and the three other children._

_The first of the unfamiliar children, presumably a girl (seeing as she was wearing a skirt) approached Kano quietly, climbing on the bed before wrapping her arms around him in a silent apology. He flinched but did not move otherwise. The other two watched them; waiting for a reaction._

_Kano broke the silence, surprisingly. He was already crying. He'd broken the monster's rules._

"… _Who are you?" He felt the girl's arms freeze, and she pulled away. She did not speak a word; the brunette, name in the recesses of his mind, spoke up with a hint of sadness. The other girl did not seem to be able to speak. In fact, after a few moments, she pulled away and there was the distinct sound of a sniffle that reached his ears._

"_Kano, do you not recognise your old friends?" Without risking a glance at any of them, the child murmured,_

"_Kido and Seto are gone. I'm doing okay here." Suddenly a voice – very familiar – spoke up and Kano couldn't help but allow his head to whip up at the girl under the hood. The girl under the hood __**with the crimson eyes**__._

"_Y-You're lying again! Why do you always have to lie? You're not okay!" His eyes widened and his breath hitched. Tears threatened to fall._

_Kido pulled her hood off after a moment, equally moist eyes observing Kano. The blonde whimpered and leaned in for a hug. 'They came back. They came back!' Kido eagerly wrapped her arms around him; surrounding the other in a warmth he had not experienced in a long while. They pulled away after a few moments, Kano glancing to the side at the other child who he had not known earlier. He had his hood pulled down, as well, and Seto's expectant face was clearly visible. Kano reached out for a hug with him next; an action that was eagerly reciprocated. Kano buried his face in the other's clothes. He felt so much smaller than him now; he was certainly lighter, if his lack of muscle was anything to go by._

"_I'm sorry," Kano murmured. He was gentle as he hugged Kano; his friend's state scared him. It scared all three of them. Even when Kido had first arrived she had not been this bad. Small, yes, but she still had at least a little bit of muscle. Kano was nothing but skin and bone._

_Shortly after, Kano found himself on Ayano's lap once more, with Seto's jacket wrapped around him for warmth. Like most other things he wore, it was quite large on Kano; but the fleece warmed his core and he leaned against Ayano's chest. He smiled serenely for the first time in a long while, remaining mostly quiet while Seto and Kido spoke animatedly (mostly Seto) but put his two cents' in every now and then._

"They came back for me," Kano hissed to the monster. "They came for me because I'm me. Your tricks didn't work then, and they don't work now. I'm still me." The monster roared in displeasure but said little else; it had lost the battle (again) and receded into the recesses of Kano's mind.

For a while, it seemed almost bleak, like the vile creature would finally win. And Kano would need a new mirror (again). He hummed to himself as he finished cleaning up the glass and threw it out. From there, he put his shirt and hoodie back on, careful to hide the old scars on him from the outside world with his ability. They were for his eyes only.

Shutting the door to his bedroom as he left, he grinned and strutted out into the living room, resting a hand on innocent Mary's head; the girl squeaked and blinked up at Kano, smiling up at him. He grinned and winked before heading into the kitchen, sneaking up behind Kido and grabbing her by the hips. The girl barely jumped, and she gave him a look before turning back to her cooking. He grinned and rested his chin on her shoulder, watching in wry amusement as she prepared dinner.

No one was any wiser about the battles inside the cat-eyed boy's head.


End file.
